


Not Soon Enough

by TinCanTelephone



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Introspection, Light Angst, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 21:36:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11723052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinCanTelephone/pseuds/TinCanTelephone
Summary: "So… I'll see you in five days," Jyn says. Her gloved hands are linked with Cassian's, swinging between them as she looks up at him."Kes said three days."Jyn leaves on a mission and Cassian does a great job of keeping it together. Really, he does.





	Not Soon Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, Cassian mopes around Echo Base for 3 days. 
> 
> Takes place outside the "Things that Happen" universe for timeline purposes.
> 
> Please excuse any medical liberties taken. As always: not a doctor, just an idiot with a laptop.

**Day 1**

"So… I'll see you in five days," Jyn says. Her gloved hands are linked with Cassian's, swinging between them as she looks up at him.

"Kes said three days," Cassian says. His voice is rough and he withdraws one of his hands to press his sleeve under his nose. He returned from his last mission with three new recruits and a cold, aggravated by the icy dryness of Hoth. It isn't bad enough to keep him in his cabin, but he's been nursing a sore throat and a constantly running nose for the last standard day. Normally, he wouldn't be so concerned about the difference between three and five days, but he's running low on energy.

Now, Jyn can tell he's trying not to sniffle in front of her. She treats him to a half-smile. "Seven at the most." She brings her free hand to his jaw where it meets his scarf and rubs his cheek with her thumb. "Just enough time for you to _rest_ and _get better_."

He smiles back. "I will. I promise. I have one meeting and then it's just writing reports and maintenance on Kay."

She raises an eyebrow and wags a finger in his face. "I'm holding you to that. Bodhi promised to nag you for me if you overwork yourself."

"Erso! Kiss your boyfriend goodbye and let's go!" Kes calls from the ship.

"Coming!" she says without really turning her head as Cassian leans down for a kiss. She rolls her head away, but the fond smile stays on her lips. "Not while you're all germy."

"Sorry," Cassian half-grunts and half-coughs. He changes course and plants a kiss on her cheek. He still feels a bit bad about that– his hair is greasy because he didn't wake up with enough time to shower and his breath smells like the throat drops he's been sucking on, but Jyn can't just _leave_ without a kiss of _some_ sort. He briefly wonders when he got so sentimental.

Jyn laughs and to her credit does not wipe her cheek after he straightens. "Three days, okay?"

"Okay." He still doesn't let go of her hand and they're smiling stupidly at each other.

" _Ugh_ , you two are worse than me and Shara." Kes taps his foot impatiently on the duracrete floor. "Jyn, come _on_ , we're already late."

"Sorry," she says over her shoulder. She squeezes Cassian's hand one last time. "I'll be back before you know it." Then she pulls away and trots over to Kes, throwing her bag aboard before climbing into their ship.

Cassian resists the ridiculous urge to whine at her departure. This isn't normal for him. He's _never_ this needy. Besides, it's a short, low-risk recon mission. The odds of Jyn coming back to him alive and unharmed are high. He has the numbers (unsolicited) from Kay.

But he's _miserable_. Just this side of healthy to be up and moving about, just this side of ill to hate every kriffing second of it. And Jyn just… makes those seconds more bearable. He shuffles back to his cabin, stopping twice to sneeze and blow his nose into one of the many rags he's stuffed into his jacket pockets. He feels like he's gone through half of them already, which is honestly ridiculous.

The air in his cabin is blessedly warmer, but still so dry he gets a shock of static electricity when he touches Kay after shucking his outer layer. Multiple panels on the droid's left leg and foot are open– its ankle joint has been freezing up and Cassian's thinks it's a writing problem, but he can't for the life of him figure out where. He hasn't had to turn Kay off completely, but he had to cut power at its hip joints, so it's been stuck sitting on the floor of Cassian's cabin for the last twelve standard hours and is in about as foul a temper as Cassian.

"You look ill," it says peevishly when Cassian kneels beside its leg.

"I _am_ ill," Cassian mutters, glaring at the mess of uncooperative wires before him over another rag pressed to his face. He squints. The dry, over-filtered air of the cabin is making his head throb. He sniffles without thinking and presses his hands to his temples as his entire skull vibrates.

"When you do that, your chances of developing a sinus infection increase by–"

"Not helpful, Kay."

"On the contrary, last time you were in the medbay I downloaded all the latest programs from a 2-1B. You can be sure my medical advice is sound."

Cassian groans and presses his hands to his eyes.

"When you do that before washing your hands, your risk of conjunctivitis increases by–"

" _I will power you down_."

Kay tilts its head, and Cassian imagines it's looking down its figurative nose at him. "The chances of you making good on that threat are very low."

Cassian makes an executive decision. "I'm going to bed."

"It is very early in the day. This is highly irregular."

Cassian drags himself onto his bed and kicks off his boots. "As you so graciously pointed out, _I'm sick_. And you're giving me a headache."

"Your headache is more likely the result of inflammation in the mucous membrane of your sinus cavity."

"Well you're certainly not helping," Cassian grumbles. He presses his head into his pillow and feels snot begin to slide down the back of his throat. He wonders if Jyn would mind if he borrowed her pillow while she's away. He'd wash it before she got back once he's feeling a bit less like death. He's still considering it when his eye slide closed and he's asleep.

 

He wakes gasping and coughing and totally unable to breathe through his nose. His heart is racing and he's pretty sure he was having a nightmare. He can't remember it right now, but the sensation of falling is fresh in his mind. He briefly grips the sheets beneath his hands. A glance at the chrono tells him he's slept most of the day, the mess will be serving dinner soon. He doubts he could taste anything, but Jyn would tell him he has to eat _something_.

His legs are tangled in the blankets and he sets about kicking them free. In the end, all his blankets slide off the end of his bunk and he's sweating and exhausted. He considers just going back to sleep, but then the sweat starts drying on his skin and he's shivering.

Dark spots cloud his eyes when he drags himself upright and he blinks hard as he feels his way to his closet. Halfway across his room his foot catches on something and he falls inelegantly to the floor. His vision slowly clears and Kay's ocular sensors are staring at him out of the shadows.

"Ouch," it says.

Cassian blinks at it.

"I cannot feel pain, of course, but you have just tripped over my leg. Were I an organic, it would've hurt. Also, it was rude."

It takes a while for Cassian's brain to absorb this many words at once. "…Sorry?" he finally croaks.

"Apology accepted. Do you plan on remaining on the floor like that? Do you know your chances of contracting hypothermia?"

Again, this is a lot of words for Cassian just now. "Umm…"

"Also, is there a reason you have thrown your blankets on me? I assure you, I cannot feel the cold."

Cassian lets his eyes adjust to the gloom and sure enough, the blankets he kicked off his bed are piled on the droid's lap. That's right. He was getting up. To go to the mess. To get food. He tries to communicate as much to Kay. "Mess. Food," is all that comes out as he slowly picks himself up.

Kay stares at him as he pulls on every layer he can find. "You are not making any sense. Also, your temperature is nearing a full standard degree above normal."

Somewhere in Cassian's brain this registers as a bad sign, and maybe an indication that he should stop by the medbay for some stronger decongestants and maybe a round of antibiotics. Or maybe something else, because last time he checked a cold was a virus. Was that right? He can't remember. Anyway. The larger part of his mind ignores this confusing train of thought and focuses on preparing to go to the mess. Jyn would be telling him to eat something, he's sure of it.

 

The mess hall, as usual, outdoes itself and a droid serves him a bowl of watery stew with indeterminate solid chunks floating sluggishly on the surface. Using muscle memory more than anything else, Cassian sits next to Bodhi at their usual table in his usual seat and stares down at his food. Some of the chunks are white and round, almost spherical, and if they rolled the wrong way, he imagines eyeballs staring up at him. The thought makes him nauseous and he swallows.

"A-are you okay?" Bodhi's stutter has faded over the years but it still comes out occasionally, mostly serving to endear him to the older, female pilots. And some of the male ones.

"…Yeah." Cassian pokes one of the potential eyeballs with his spoon, bracing himself for a pupil on the other side.

"You just look kinda… out of it."

"Do I?" There's no pupil on the other side of this one, but Cassian's still suspicious of the others. He's really reconsidering this idea of eating something.

"It's actually not that bad," Bodhi says. He's drinking directly out of his bowl, making disgusting slurping noises that are not helping Cassian's stomach. "You should just try it. You look… like you could use something hot."

Cassian's not sure what he looks like, but he can imagine it's less than impressive by the way Bodhi's looking at him.

Bodhi leans closer and mimes eating. "You know… take a spoonful, put it in your mouth."

Cassian frowns. "I know how to feed myself." He purposefully spoons some of the broth into his mouth. It's basically hot water and pretty tasteless (as far as he can tell) but it feels good on his throat and it definitely counts as eating. _So there, Jyn_

"What's that?" Bodhi says.

Did he say that out loud? "Nothing."

 

He runs into Draven while shuffling back to his quarters.

"Andor."

Cassian nods. "Sir." He would like to spend as little time in the frigid corridor as he possibly can, but Draven stops like he has something to say, so Cassian pauses as well and tries to resist putting out a hand to steady himself against the wall.

"Your presence was greatly missed at the strategy meeting this afternoon."

Cassian takes a brief minute to run though every curse he knows in five languages in his head. "My apologies, sir." He tries frantically to come up with a better explanation than, _I was asleep_.

Draven raises an eyebrow. "I assumed you were… indisposed."

Cassian wonders if there's any way he can reasonably deny that. He takes too long to answer and Draven gets impatient.

"Did I assume correctly?" If the general were any less dignified he'd roll his eyes.

Cassian swallows a cough. The sooner this interaction is over, the better. "Yes sir," he mutters.

Draven shakes his head. "Take the next few days off." He brushes past. "And wipe your nose."

Cassian's wrist flies to his face and he coughs helplessly.

 

Back in his cabin and curled up on his bed under three blankets, Cassian can't sleep. Part of it is definitely the fact that he feels like he can't really breathe– he's so congested he can feel it in his ears, which is making everything sound like he's hearing it underwater. Part of it might also be that Jyn's not here, and he always sleeps better when Jyn's with him, when he can listen to her breathing next to him and they can curl around each other against the cold.

Draven's never completely gotten over the addition of Jyn to the rebellion, and is even farther from accepting Cassian's relationship with her. In her more spiteful moments, Jyn insists it's because he doesn't want Cassian happy, but Cassian thinks Draven just doesn't like change. He was used to working with Cassian in a certain way, but after Jyn he had to… adjust.

He's not stupid, he knows he's behaved differently since Rogue One. Since Scarif. Since Jyn. He's slightly more likely to ask questions about his missions, slightly more likely to improvise in the field. Slightly more unpredictable. He doesn't think it makes him any less good at his job, on the contrary, he'd like to think he's better. A better operative, and a better man. Draven would say– has said– he's less focused, and Cassian supposes he should be offended by that, as if a person could only be truly devoted to one thing, but he understands. They're fighting a war. Perhaps that _should_ be the only thing that matters in his life.

But that's not the case anymore, and if he feels guilty about it, every time Jyn smiles and every night he has her pressed against his side more than makes up for it.

 

Cassian's first thought as he slowly swims back to consciousness is that there's something on his face. A slow, tickling sensation of something crawling across his cheek. He moves his hand to brush it away, and his fingers come away slick. He jerks upright in surprise and he can taste blood on his upper lip.

Then he groans because it's the middle of the night and he counted on _resting_ , but here he is, awake because his _nose is kriffing bleeding_. Without moving his head too much, he reaches over to his desk and feels around for one of his rags. Several things clatter to the floor in the process, one of which sounds like the bottle of anti-inflammatory tablets he probably should've been taking.

When he finds something to press against his nose, he stumbles over to the 'fresher (taking care to step around Kay). He winces when he flicks on the light and his head starts throbbing again. He runs a wet cloth over his face a few times, then goes back to sit on his bed, pinching his nose to slow the bleeding.

Kay peers up at him. "The relative humidity in this cabin is less than 20%. If I were mobile I would retrieve a humidifier from the medbay."

Cassian switches out the bloody rag for a clean one. "That would be stealing, Kay. And I'm fine."

"Clearly, you are not. You have missed four doses of medicine since Jyn Erso has left."

"They said it was optional. Jyn told me to rest, and I have been."

"Besides that, you are doing a horrible job of taking care of yourself."

Cassian lowers the rag and sniffs experimentally. It hurts and he's still congested as all hell but the bleeding appears to have stopped. Crisis over, he slumps miserably on his bed and tugs the covers over him. He thinks he probably should've taken a few of those tablets as long as Kay reminded him, but at this point he feels much too tired to move. _It's okay,_ he thinks vaguely. With any luck, he'll feel better in the morning.

 

* * *

 

**Day 2**

In hindsight, he should've known better. A few notable instances aside, Cassian doesn't generally consider himself a lucky person. He feels bad enough the next morning to skip breakfast in favor of a few more hours of sleep, then, against Kay's peevish recommendation, takes twice the recommended dose of medicine before actually getting up.

He spends the rest of the morning working on Kay. He eventually finds the poor connection and restores power to its legs.

"That took several hours longer than it should have," the droid informs him as it stands.

Cassian grunts and focuses on putting away his tools.

Kay stares at him for several moments. "You are unfit to go to the mess. I shall bring you a portion of whatever they are serving."

Cassian considers making a token protest, but quickly decides it's not worth it. He never bothered to change out of the clothes he slept in, and if he never has to today, he supposes he would be okay with that. Draven told him to take some days off, so he's going to take them _off_ , dammit. 

 

He thinks the tablets might be doing their job, because he manages to write a full report that afternoon and edit two more, so he's exactly where he should've been three days ago. He also consumes a truly ridiculous number of throat drops and runs out of clean rags. He's reduced to using his sleeve until Kay rustles up another armful of rags from some stockroom.

His energy starts flagging early in the evening, after Kay has left to retrieve his dinner. He can feel the fever returning, sinking its claws into either side of his neck and making his whole body feel hot and cold at the same time. The numbers on his datapad start to blur and he crawls back into bed. Kay returns with whatever is passing for dinner at the mess, and Cassian eats a few bites before pushing it away. It sits uncomfortably in his stomach with the mucus he's been swallowing all day and the image quickly banishes whatever appetite he might've had.

Jyn would be upset with him, he _knows_. She'd tell him to try and eat more, make him take the tablets on schedule, and he'd like to do all that, but it's so much easier to just lie there and wait for the relief of sleep. He prefers not to think of Jyn anyway, because it reminds him how cold and empty the bed is without her and how he misses her _so_ _damn much_ and that if she were here, he would feel parsecs better, he's sure of it.

He sleeps terribly. He feels like he wakes up every other hour at least to sneeze or cough or throw his blankets off or pull them back on again, because his body can't seem to decide whether it's hot or cold. Kay is… minimally helpful, handing him rags or throat drops or retrieving his blankets from the floor, but all with the cold efficiency of a droid that Cassian used to appreciate when it was his closest and only friend. Now he has the memory of Jyn caring for him when he's sick or injured– the softness of her hands and her voice, the way he'll relax muscles he didn't even know were tense when she's around, and even the familiar presence of his droid can't compare.

The more disciplined part of his mind that sounds suspiciously like Draven would say he's gone soft, but Cassian can't bring himself to care anymore. He's past tired of being sick, not to mention just plain _tired_ , and he just wants to feel better. He wants Jyn.

 

* * *

 

**Day 3**

The previous night bleeds into the morning as he tries to sleep off a migraine that crept up on him around 0500 hours. Jyn's still not here. Maybe, if her mission went well, she'll be back tonight, but for now he's still alone.

He spends the entire day in bed and decidedly useless. The headache eventually fades from a stabbing pain to a dull but constant ache that feels as though it's spread to his teeth. The fever also hangs around and blurs the edges of his thoughts in the brief moments he's awake between fits of dozing. This thing must be effecting his inner ears, too, because his equilibrium is thrown off to the point where sitting up makes him horribly dizzy and even lying down he feels like he's on a boat being rocked by slow, undulating waves.

Periodically, Kay's metallic voice will drift into his head, indicating food he ought to eat, or medicine he ought to take, but his limbs feel heavy, like he's on a planet with stronger gravity, and rolling over feels like such a chore he doesn't think he has it in him to do much besides lie there. He occasionally finds the strength to drink a few sips of water, but then collapses back onto his pillow, breathing hard and spent.

The cough is noticeably worse, more productive and deeper, and it keeps him awake for most of the afternoon even though his eyes keep drifting shut. His throat feels horribly, viciously dry and easily irritated. He learns quickly to resist the urge to breathe too hard after a coughing fit, because it just leads to more coughing. He wishes he could breathe through his nose, but that hasn't been an option in days, and his whole head feels like it's about to explode from the pressure.

 

He wakes up in the late evening to a low voice and an odd bubbling noise. He drags his eyes open and rolls toward it. The room is still dark, but the door is cracked and someone's standing in the doorway, blocking the thin sliver of bright light from the hallway. He reacts before his brain fully catches up. Somewhere, his subconscious recognizes her silhouette, the curve of her shoulders, the tilt of her hips, the way she holds her head. He relaxes and one corner of his mouth twitches up before her name comes to his mind.

 _Jyn,_  he tries to say, but starts coughing as soon as he inhales. She's talking to someone in the hallway, but abruptly turns around when she hears him and the door slides shut behind her. Before he knows it, she's sitting on the bed next to him, her hand on his back.

"Shh, shhh. Relax. Just breathe, okay?"

A funny thought pops into his head. How shocked the new recruits would be if they saw their toughest training officer being this _gentle_. He smiles before he can think about it and tries not to laugh.

She frowns. "What's so funny?"

He's afraid to talk, so he shakes his head and hugs her. It's awkward, and by some definitions not really a hug since he's lying down and she's sitting next to him, but he manages to (mostly) wrap his arms around her, which is the important part because he never wants her to leave again. Ever.

Jyn sighs and indulges him for a minute before prying herself from his grasp and reaching for something on the desk. She waves a pack of new tablets in his face. "Antibiotics," she says. "Kay diagnosed you with a sinus infection. I had a hell of a time getting those 2-1Bs to believe it, but we eventually scored a round of these. And you can bet your favorite blue jacket that I'm going to make you take every single one of them. _On time_."

His only response is to attempt to hug her again.

She ruffles his hair. "How did you let it come to this, anyway? How did you take care of yourself before you met me?"

He shrugs without letting go of her. He honestly can't remember. And he doesn't want to.

"Okay." She rubs his forearm. "Let go and sit up."

Reluctantly, he does, and leans heavily into her shoulder as the world spins lazily around him. She hands him a dose of the new medicine and a produces a half-full canteen. He takes the pills without a fuss and she lowers him back onto the mattress. She stands up and he makes a small, pathetic noise in protest, but she soon returns with a wet rag from the sink and lays it across his cheekbones. It feels so good he almost groans.

She strokes his sweaty forehead. "From what Kay tells me, your fever's on its way down. I think you'll feel a lot better tomorrow."

He only sighs in response, and there's a long, companionable silence. The mysterious burbling noise is audible again, and he tilts his head to get a look at its source. There's a small machine sitting near the door, intermittently bubbling and letting out puffs of steam.

Jyn follows his gaze. "Oh yeah. Kay mentioned the air in here was making you worse. So I borrowed a humidifier from the medbay."

"Stole," he says. His voice is a croak and barely there, but he feels this is an important distinction.

Jyn shrugs. "Whatever."

He can't help it. He smiles and presses himself against her.

She smiles too and rubs his shoulder, her hand moving in slow, soothing strokes up and down his arm. Eventually, she shifts to lie down next to him, one arm across his chest and still moving, tracing patterns along his skin.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my self-indulgent nonsense! 
> 
> Honest-to-God I love Cassian so much, I don't know why all I do is make him suffer.


End file.
